Monday, August 29, 2011

What Are Friends For? by Rose A. Valenta

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I have a friend who is always exercising (biking, running, lifting weights).  She's in great shape, but I think she overdoes it and is far too thin.  I'm thinking of injecting large amounts of fructose corn syrup into all of her foods, drinking water and toothpaste to help her gain some of that weight back.  Is that wrong?
ROSE: It would probably be easier just to get her a man. She will eat every one of the fattening foods as soon as she gets frustrated with his incessant belching, tooting, and use of the TV remote control. I predict that in less than a week, she will be throwing back shots of corn syrup. Not to mention, keeping a large plastic spoon taped to the can of whipping cream in the frig.

1 comment:

Sharon said...

So funny - and true. When his belly dunlaps over his belt, she can wear the lime green stretch pants on her cottage cheese thighs.