Tuesday, April 29, 2014

PHOTO SHOCKED by Joanne Filan

Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Joanne I created a logo for a customer and I forgot to put whiskers on the cat. She noticed and said something to me. Rather than look like I didn’t know what I was doing I told her that it is a rare breed of cat called a Mexican Whiskerless. I’m afraid she’s going to google it and find I lied. Should I buy a website and Photoshop the whiskers off cats and put it up so she’ll believe me?

Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

Joanne: Dear Liar,
Clearly you have a problem.  Photoshop can be confusing and difficult if you are not an expert and bad technique can be easily spotted. Buying a website can also be a huge undertaking.  I’d say go to the source and get yourself to a small, underground, genetics laboratory.  If you are not familiar with DNA gene splicing, I suggest you do some easy research on Google and/or YouTube while you’re at it.  I’m sure there are a few beginner videos out there to get you started.  You may also want to check out the movie “Jurassic Park” for another point of reference, although I would suggest not making the cats as aggressive or large.  Of course, you’re going to need to do all of this in Mexico to keep with the theme you’ve created. Overall, I don’t see this as a huge challenge, having created naked mole rats years ago for a similar situation.  Good luck.

Monday, April 28, 2014

INFECTED by Joanne Filan

Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Joanne, I feel like I have an ear infection but don’t want to go to the doctor. I found some drops my vet gave me for my dog when he had one. Do you think I should double the dosage because I weigh about twice as much as him or should I call my vet and ask?

Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

Joanne: Dear Infected,
Clearly you have a problem.  Trying to call a vet or anyone else when you have an ear infection is fruitless.  You won’t hear anything, and the person on the other end of the line will think it’s a prank call and inform the police.  Your best bet is to do something about the ear infection before you start making calls and doing things that only those who can hear will do. Why do people insist on ignoring the problem at hand?  Once you get the infection under control, you can make all the calls you want.   I only hope you don’t have a connected eye infection that would inhibit your ability to read my advice.  If so, I suggest you get yourself a seeing-eye dog.  But please speak to a vet beforehand for further information.  I hope this answers your question.