Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Breakfast of Champions by Marv Ellis
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I'm on a diet but am having trouble losing weight. It's a no carb diet so I've been having a pound of bacon and a slim fast bar for breakfast each morning. Do you think it's the slim fast bar? I noticed it has 2 grams of carbs in it from sugar.
Boy, that sounds like a winning combination for weight loss to me-- so I called my friend Dick Johnson at the American Anti-Fat Ass Institute to see what was going wrong. He informed me that this is the most common misconception of American fat ass dieters, that "No Carbs" means "No Carbohydrates". It actually means "No Carbons". Seeing as carbons are in everything organic-- you're not supposed to be eating anything on those types of diets, EVER!! Not at ALL!!! You get air, and water, that's IT! Oh, and those little pink bunnys they sell around Easter-- no one has been able to indentify what the hell those things are made of so we can't cross them off the list yet he informed me.