Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Hoverround my Hovercraft by Marv Ellis

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: Today I got an email for a hoverround. I don’t need one but they were at a really good price.  Do you think it might be a good idea to buy one to keep around for when I'm lazy? It would be good to use when I go shopping. I hate walking so far, don’t you?

MARV: Just because something is "at a good price" doesn't mean you should buy it! I used to be a cheap bastard myself and have learned that, in the end, you really DO "get what you paid for"! Here are some notable purchases I have made in my life because it was "at a good price":   A used chainsaw collection: Not one woman has made it 2 steps into my living room where I display them before running, screaming into the night.   A Dr Kevorkian death machine: Mom hasn't spoken one word to me since THAT birthday present! Condoms: Turns out they were "at a good price" because they had pin holes in them. I now have to work 6 jobs and be a guest comedian on to keep up with the child support! (Come to think of it, SAQ still hasn't paid me-- hmmmm).   A used computer: Spent 5 years in a federal prison due to some inappropriate pictures. That Warren Jeffs guy I bought it off didn't seem the type-- in fact he looked like he would SCARE off young girls-- and household pets to be honest-- Lesson learned! 
But anyhow, back to your hoverround. You're on the right track, but I think you should do as I did and lay out the cash and get a hoverCRAFT!! I love mine! I use it to transport me everywhere I go-- to work, to the store, even to the bathroom! Of course, my boss won't let me park it in the lot after I landed it on his Mercedes once, I tend to pay more for stuff at the store that I break than what I buy and use, and my bathroom is a disaster cuz it's tough to aim from 7 feet in the air, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! And neither will you my friend!

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