Friday, May 25, 2012
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I'm expecting my first child!!! My husband is beyond thrilled. My African American lover is pretty excited too. Should I wait until delivery to find out who's grandmother to name the baby after?
Joseph: Dear Stupid Ass Questioner, First off, congratulations on becoming a Drama Momma as our country certainly doesn’t have enough of those nowadays! Now as for the name of your ticket onto the Maury Show, I personally think it’s very progressive of you to consider both of their Grandmother’s equally and not only should you wait until you birth this bundle of someone’s joy, but you should also start taking bets as well.
This way BOTH fathers will feel that have a chance to not only win over your womb but also cash to pay for the baby he just won as well. If there is one thing that can bring Black and White together it’s the color of Money. Plus all women of grandmother age love to piss their social security away on random acts of gambling so I’m sure either one, if still alive, will be pleased with this approach to your dilemma. Just as a suggestion, if you can find a way to reveal the paternity of the father in a method similar to a Scratch Off Instant Lottery Ticket, even better! The old ladies will lose their minds…if they already hadn’t via dementia or Alzheimer’s. By the way, you may want to contact MTV as this is exactly the kind of pitch for a show that they are fond of…also, try having the baby in a NJ tanning salon and you are golden sister!