Wednesday, May 16, 2012


Dear Stupid Ass Questions: My car broke down last week and I can’t afford to buy a new one. I use it for everything most importantly, I live in it. I see benefits being held to help people in need. I’m in need so do you think I could hold a benefit that will benefit me? I could say it’s to raise money for the homeless. It’s kind of true.

Ben: And where would you get the funds to host a benefit?  It takes money to beg for money, my friend.  Clearly, life has kicked you to the curb, literally and figuratively.  Thus, I’m assuming you don’t have the funds nor the credit to reserve banquet hall space, to buy television air time, or even to purchase a phone to answer calls for donations.  Begging is like any other job.  You need to start from the bottom and work your way up.  I suggest you start with pan handling on the subway and eventually promote yourself to giving hand jobs in dark allies.  With a little hard work, you’ll move into that refrigerator box you’ve always wanted. Then, after you’ve treated your new carpel tunnel condition, you should have enough to host that benefit to buy a new car.

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