Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: A few weeks ago I joined weight watchers to lose a few extra lbs, but find I’m gaining. They say eating eggs is good so everyday I eat 3 eggs for breakfast and 1 for a bedtime snack. This week when I went to get weighed I had gained another 5lbs. Do you think I should switch from the chocolate Cadbury egg to the Carmel?
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Ben: Obesity is a real problem in America. Some blame it on an increasingly sedentary lifestyle and others blame it on unhealthy eating habits (i.e. fast foods, gluten, white rice, white bread, and other non-tree hugging foods, etc.). However, in your case, your ‘fat ass-edness’ is caused by your ‘Stupid Ass-edness’. Natural selection IS a beautiful thing. Sometimes in order to thin the herd, you have to fatten them up first. Now if only we could require an IQ test before dispensing Lipitor, we can help speed up the process. That being said, my advice is to double your intake of Cadbury eggs and go with BOTH the chocolate and caramel eggs (or ‘Carmel’ as you put it). Keep on this regimen until you start feeling sudden acute chest pains. Then, just follow the light…