Friday, May 4, 2012
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I read that due to all the hormones in milk, children are developing breasts at a much younger age. My breasts are pretty small so do you think if I drank a gallon or two a day that my breasts would go from an A cup to a C?
Kenny: Holy Victoria's Secret!!!! You actually read my article on milk, hormones,and breast size??!!! Golly, you've got to be one of the first.I've spent the last 5 years of my life engaged in that study. It's been a lot of work. Lots of lab testing and tons of, "hands on", research if you take my meaning. Anyway, thanks for reading my paper but I feel your excitement over the possibility of increased cup size caused you to miss some of the finer points of the paper. Yeah, I'm afraid there are some side effects. Let me explain. While it is most assuredly true that breast size can be increased with ingestion of mass quantities of milk (here at the lab we jokingly refer to that as, empty the jugs to fill the other ones), there is one oddity to the application. In order for the milk to be effective you have to drink it while standing on your head. It's a gravity thing. The problem is it doesn't work the same for all. It appears that some gals breast cavities don't absorb the enlarging hormones and it all goes straight to their heads! We were never able to determine which gals were predisposed to enjoy the benefits of the process. So you have to decide before you start your milk imbibing regimen, do I want to risk having my coveted C cup vs. walking around the rest of my life with a head that looks like a, BIG OLD, MILK DUD? Therein lies the rub. Good luck and I hope it all works out for the best. In closing, If you know anyone who might be interested, we're conducting a new study on the effects of men and the ingestion of mass quantities of italian sausage. Wait til you read the side effects from this one!!