Monday, May 21, 2012

DOCTOR'S VISIT by Joseph Conklin

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I recently had a complete check-up at the Dr’s office as I was having problems that I wanted checked out. They found nothing wrong with me at all. Do you think I should go back and complain? I mean I spent a lot of money on x-rays and all so you'd think they could come up with something... right?

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JOSEPH CONKLIN:  Dear Stupid Ass Questioner:  Physically going back to your Doctor’s office and complaining about what I believe to be very valid concerns is an outdated and highly ineffective approach to the matter.  In order to complain about something in the year 2012 you can do one of two acceptable things, the first being to create a fake facebook and/or Twitter account in your Doctors name and then proceed to use clever MeMes mocking his/her personal choices in life and post them up for everyone on the social network to see, thus creating an online environment that tears at the credibility of their real world accomplishments.  Also, send as many Farmville requests to said Doctors friends as humanly possible.  Your Doctor will give in to your online bullying and find something terribly wrong with you in order to regain social acceptance online or they will be driven to jump off a bridge, in which case the Media will then step in and fulfill your wish for you as they are masters at finding hypothetical wrongs in everyone. 
Now, the second approach you can take to this situation is to simply set up a tent outside your Doctors office and bang on a drum all day for weeks until they stop ignoring your cause and give you exactly what you never managed to earn on your own – something wrong with you. Good Luck on Modernizing your insecurities…oh and if you get to choose your ailment, pick Hypochondria…it’s hip. 
You're Welcome. 

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