Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Dear Stupid As Questions: My computer desk is right in front of my bay window & I can see everything my neighbors are doing. Yesterday I saw one of my neighbors throw trash on the ground. So I called the police. That night I saw another neighbor key someones car. Again, called the police. I think I might be onto something here. Should I offer my services to the police? Oh and what should I charge them. I'll need to charge something cuz I'll need to buy different disguises.
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Kenny: Now here's a question that both intrigued and at the same time scared me a little. There are lots of legal ramifications to this bad boy. So I hope you don't mind but I got our specialized, legal team (The Three Wise Men), involved in this one. Truth to tell, we only have one lawyer on staff but I promise you his brain is as big as a planet so it's like having three attorneys at once. Anyway, you do have options, and here are a few that I'm certain will work. First off, lose the calling the cops all the time practice. You never want to be to chummy with those folks, my lord, you may want to commit some type of crime yourself one day. Yeah, familiarity on that level could lead to your speedy arrest and incarceration! The thing you want to accomplish here is,,,,, not have these hooligan neighbors of yours one day turn their attentions to you. First, make them think you're crazy. This is a cheap one to pull off too. Before you leave your home pour a glass of tap water in your lap and then stroll on out into the yard when you know they'll see you. Strike up a conversation if possible. Next, pick yourself up an, Eleanor Roosevelt mask, and wear that around while gardening, etc. That'll scare 'em. Eleanor scared everybody. ICCKKK,,,,,OK? Make them think your nuts and scare 'em. I promise, they'll think twice about messing with, "that kook across the street". Works every time. Should you need acting, legal counsel however,, just give us a call. The Three Wise Men are always at hand.