Monday, November 25, 2013
UNIVITED GUESTS by Rose A. Valenta
Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Rose, My family and I love Thanksgiving leftovers but because there are 12 of us we don't usually have any. I know my neighbor does so do you think we could knock on her door and act like she had invited us?
Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge
Rose: Before you do anything, turn off your cell phones and pagers out of respect. Please dress appropriately by wearing something on your feet.
Now, this is where "love thy neighbor" can withstand the ultimate test, especially on Thanksgiving. You know they love you and your two hound dogs, so feel free to mosey on over there at 2:00 am, when you normally get up to raid the refrigerator and make her food your own. Be considerate, don’t wake her up. Bring some hot sauce for the turkey tail, if it is still left over, but don't fight over it, or you will interrupt her REM sleep and ruin the ultimate test.
Train your hounds to sound like they are starving (in case you get caught); you know, that low monotone maudlin sounding death-groan like the one Old Yeller let out before he passed on. Desserts don't keep well in the refrigerator, so make sure to scoff down all the pumpkin and coconut custard pie, and give the mince meat to Old Blue. Make Blue lick all the plates clean, so your neighbor won’t have to wash the dishes.
If all goes well, be neighborly and leave a few Chinese Fortune Cookies behind on the kitchen table. At least one of the fortunes should read "People in your surroundings will be more cooperative than usual, this includes the Bumpuses."