Thursday, November 28, 2013
BITCHGIVING by Rose A. Valenta
Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Rose, My best friend asked me for my famous “Secret Sweet Potato Casserole” recipe to serve her guests this Thanksgiving. It’s so delicious & I just know she won’t give me the credit for it. She’s such a selﬁsh bitch like that. What should I do?
Rose: If you are not invited, leave out a crucial ingredient. If you are invited, insist that you make the casserole and bring it with you (also bring a container of dust bunnies to inconspicuously scatter about the house when she isn’t looking). Throughout the meal, entertain her guests with stories about how well liked your recipe is and elaborate on all the exciting dinners that you have shared it with friends. Also, walk into her kitchen behind her back and remove all the self-love post-notes she has on the refrigerator; especially the one that reads “You are so gifted as a hostess, Martha should be jealous.” You know she has that one, the selfish bitch. If she has a powder room near the kitchen, hide all her scented candles and carefully sneak in there and take a dump – don’t flush. Make sure that you put at least one dust bunny at the bottom of her candlesticks.That should get her, the selfish bitch!