Wednesday, November 27, 2013
MCTURKEY? by Rose A. Valenta
Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Rose, I don’t feel like cooking a turkey this year as it’s too much work. Do you think they would be ok with some double cheeseburgers from McDonalds even though I promised them a gourmet 7 course Thanksgiving meal? I'll get fries for everyone.
Rose: Tacky, tacky, tacky! You simply have to send out for Burger King Turkey Burgers and fries; plus a large container of coleslaw from the deli. Then, kick it up a notch with soup appetizer and awesome sides. Ground beef must absolutely take a back seat to big bird meat on turkey day.
You can accomplish the entire feast effortlessly in Dutch ovens on the range in less than 20 minutes. Each Dutch oven will hold 6 cans. All you need to do is put 2 quarts of water in the pots and place the opened cans in them. Wear thermal gloves to remove the hot cans.
If your in-laws are coming, put caution tape across the entrance to your kitchen and tell them you are getting work done and they must not go in there, as your homeowners/rental liability insurance has expired along with Obamacare. After all, you don’t want to give away your culinary secrets.
In the first Dutch oven, set 5 or 6 (depending on the number of guests) opened cans of your favorite Chunky soup right in the water and bring to a boil. Turn off the burner. Leave the cans in there until you are ready to serve. They will be piping hot.
In the second pot, put 5 cans of your favorite veggies, plus a can of yams for your more traditional guests, who like sweet potatoes with turkey meat. Bring the water to a boil and turn off the burner. Notice, this is an energy saver too.
Open the store bought coleslaw and pour it into a family heirloom serving bowl. Place each of the turkey burgers on a holiday serving dish.
With your best china, pour the soup into the bowls right out of the hot cans.
After that, drain the veggies from the cans and pour them onto heirloom plates. I think you are giving your guests about 14 courses already!