Tuesday, November 26, 2013


Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Rose, I forgot to un-thaw the turkey for Thanksgiving dinner and we are eating in 4 hours. I was thinking of a blow torch, any other ideas?

Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

Rose: You are in luck! Home Depot is having a one-day-only sale on Cement Circular Saws and blades. You will need all the proper tools to pull this off:

1 cement saw
1 circular cement blade
2 plastic saw horses
1 3’ x 3’ piece of plywood
4 clamps
1 metal stake
1 blow torch
2 Reynolds Oven Roaster bags
Your recipe for stuffing
2 glass casserole pans
1 First-aid kit (just in case)
1 bottle of mighty fine wine
1 coupon for a family size package of pork chops (the other white meat)

Set up the saw horses in your back yard and clamp the plywood to them. Get the frozen turkey and run a stake through its little heart into the plywood, so that it doesn’t feel anything. Drink 8 ounces of wine. Insert the saw blade into the saw. Turn on the saw and cut the thing lengthwise down the center so that you have two open cavities each with a wing and leg. Drink more wine. Hit it with the blow torch – 6 minutes on each side. Stuff both cavities with your filling. Drink more wine. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Put a half-bird in each of the oven roaster bags along with the rest of the wine, if any. Poke three small holes in each bag. Put each bag in a pan and roast in the oven for 2 hours and 30 minutes. Whew!

If all fails, you are too drunk to go to the supermarket for the pork chops, so send a guest. By all means, reuse the turkey stuffing with the chops - don’t drink and drive.   Happy Thanksgiving!


Sharon said...

Hilarious! Rose you hit the funny target - again!

Gianetta said...

Make sure whoever gets sent to the store picks up another bottle of wine while they are there.

Rose said...

Thanks, ladies! Ahhh, yes, more wine.


ermigal said...

Funny stuff, Rose! I have to admit the combo of chain saws and wine made me a little nervous. Keep it coming and Happy Thanksgiving!

Ernie Witham said...

This has "guy" turkey written all over it. I know I would cook more if I got to use power tools! And drink!

You are a funny person, Rose.

Happy Thanksgiving

Rose said...

Thanks and Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!