Tuesday, April 9, 2013
DEATH AND FOOD STAMPS by Charlotte Langley
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I just received the following notice, "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 2013 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." Do you think I could reapply in April?
CHARLOTTE: Reapply in April? Reapply in April?! Listen Pearl, you’ve have had a major change of circumstances. I don’t know if anyone has told you this, but dead people can’t write. You’re alive Ethel! You’re alive! Now here’s what you have to do. Get your best pants on, your brightest lipstick and your bluest wig. You get in your car and tell them this aint’ no weekend at Bernie’s. You let em’ know that you’re alive and talking and that you need to eat. Now. This aint’ no laughing matter honey. There are two things that I take very seriously. Food and death. Now get out there and show em who’s breathing! Oh, and make sure to take 3 forms of ID with you.