Monday, April 22, 2013

DEAD FISH & RELATIVES by Mary Patterson

Dear Stupid Ass Questions, My cousin stayed on my couch for 6 months. Which, by the way was only to be for one night. Anyway, when she finally left ( today) she forgot her purse. Would it be ok if I took all the money out of her wallet then say I found it on the sidewalk like that? I mean she did eat a lot of my food & watched my TV.

Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

MARY: First of all, your cousin sounds like a real leach. Did she pay you any rent money while she invaded your space for HALF A YEAR? I’d be surprised if this mooch actually has cash in her wallet but if she does, you’re certainly entitled to some of it. I don’t think “finding it on the sidewalk” is a believable story, however. When she realizes she forgot the purse and comes by to get it, casually mention that you went ahead and took out x amount of dollars to put toward her rent contributions, retroactively. And say it real matter o’ fact like. Make her think it was her idea! You’re welcome.

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