Wednesday, August 1, 2012


Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I’m getting married soon and I’m kinda freaking out. I need a maid of honor and bridesmaids. But I don’t have any friends. Something about sleeping with all their boyfriends. Anyway, do you think I could put an ad on Craig’s list FRIENDS WANTED ONE NIGHT ONLY? I could offer FREE food and open bar as an enticement.
Size does matter so click picture to enlarge

Kelley: FREE food and an open bar to people you don't even know and won't give a crap about the day after your wedding?  What the hell is wrong with you?  Your fiance is marring a moron.  Alas, I'm here to hold your backwoods hand and get you through this. Your Craigslist ad should go something like this:  WANTED!   Bridesmaids for my special day. Applicant's must be prepared to endure verbal insults as well as the occasional random physical beating. After all It's MYYY DAY!!!  Applicant's must bring with them no less than 5 different bridesmaids dresses in varying shades of my chosen bridal color: Avacado green with Magenta trim; for my inspection.  Those chosen as bridesmaids will also be required to provide the following : A bridal shower,  DJ , Wedding Planner, Church, Reception Hall, Dinner, Limo, Photographer/Videographer; and; of course; open bar. Contact Mable at the Waffle House Off Route 47 Minot, North Dakota  Next to the Super Walmart.

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