Wednesday, June 13, 2012

HARRY POTTER & THE SECRET METH LAB, by Lucy Horton


Dear Stupid Ass Question: Recently, the meth lab I was working for was shut down by the cops. Do you think I could just make it in the bathroom at Walmart? Have you ever seen the chamber of secrets, Harry Potter? And do you remember where they make that potion in the girl’s bathroom? Well... that was illegal AND they didn't get caught!



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Lucy: Dear Methus Makus, Hmmm. Sounds like you’ve gotten yourself into quite a pickle. I wouldn’t recommend setting up your lab at Walmart because I’m pretty sure actual people, not just moaning ghosts, live in there, and you’d likely get caught before you opened the first box of Sudafed. (Lost in Cyberspace  may even be in there having some private time with Edward Cullen.) I’d recommend an RV, Breaking Bad style. Those guys really have it down to a science. Desert parking would be ideal, but I don’t know where you live. Wherever you decide to squat, just make sure they’re not filming Parking Wars in the area that day. If you can get your hands on some Polyjuice Potion, I recommend doing so and morphing into O.J. before cooking up your first batch in case you do get caught. He seems to get away with everything. 

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