Thursday, January 19, 2012

YOU WILL READ THIS by Forrest Haigh

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I am addicted to psychic stuff. Psychic hot lines, psychic fairs. You name it psychic and I’m addicted. Problem is, it’s getting very costly. Sometimes I can’t feed my children. Are there rehabs for people like me?  Or should I open my own psychic hotline to pay for my habit. Sometimes I know things so maybe I am psychic.

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Forrest: I say just keep calling. Call as much as you can. There is absolutely no down side at all.  Not even a little. Have the psychics told you that you will be homeless and all of your kids will starve to death? No. I bet they haven’t, and seeing that you are talking to people who know what the future is, I would say you are fine. Don’t you think they would tell you that if it was in the cards? Of course they would. Even if it meant they would lose money. Psychics are powerful, all-knowing beings and they are not on the same spiritual plane as us, so there is no way that they would keep bad news a secret. You should use their services for all of your decisions no matter how small. “Should I eat breakfast?” Call a psychic. “Should I even wake up today?” Call a psychic. “Should I call a psychic?” Call a psychic.

About the second part: Should you open you’re own psychic hot-line? No! You are not psychic.  The fact that you had to ask this questions proves it. Trust me, psychics know other psychics, and I don’t know you. This reminds me, by they way, that I have recently open my own psychic hot-line. The all seeing Forrest Haigh can tell you what the future holds and and anything else you will pay to hear. Just send you questions to my twitter account. Plus, for the sake of validity, pretend I have a Jamaican accent and a crystal ball. That seems appropriate.
Lastly, remember this old axiom:  “If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?” Forrest knows. Call a psychic. Call Forrest the Great.

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