Thursday, January 5, 2012

HANDSOAP by Leah Dubie

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: If a deaf person swears...does his mother wash his hands with soap? I have one more question for you…
"Is Winnie the Pooh diabetic? 

Leah: Wow, these are two wildly unrelated questions.  You are a special person to care about disciplining the deaf while also being concerned about Pooh’s glucose levels.  I’ll deal with deaf first.  Probably the best part about being deaf is that you can get away with flipping off mom.  Another benefit, you are allowed to be totally unimpressed with Marlee Matlin.  Big deal!  Where’s my Oscar?!  I’m glad you mentioned Winnie The Pooh’s health.  He’s in trouble and Piglet hasn’t done jack about it.  Tigger just wants to stand on his honey-filled stomach and that closeted homosexual Christopher Robin wouldn’t touch a carbohydrate if his life depended on it!  Instead, he chooses to live (in the closet) vicariously through Pooh no matter what the cost to Pooh’s health.  Poor Winnie The Pooh!  There’s a rumbly in his tumbly and it’s heading towards his small intestine!

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