Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Dear Stupid Ass Questions: Recently I became friends with someone who is in a wheelchair. Does this mean I can’t make fun of the disabled anymore?

MARV ELLIS: Well first off, we have to define the word "Disabled". My dictionary is at the shop for a tune up, so I called my friend Dick Johnson at the Division of Definitions in Peoria. According to Dick, the term "Disabled" is subjective to say the least. One person may feel you have to be in a coma with no arms or legs before being so much as partially "Disabled". Another person may just think you have to listen to Kenny G. His advice, if you still want to make fun of disabled people, is to become a full fledged member of the Republican Party. Then you can make fun of your friend in the wheelchair calling him / her a "Lazy Bastard" for wanting to be wheeled around instead of getting off his / her fat ass and walking like the rest of us!! And to top it off, you don't have to worry if you offend fat, lazy bastards, cuz it's not like they're going to chase you down and beat you to a pulp or something-- they're fat, lazy bastards.

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