Thursday, November 17, 2011

EVICTION by Stirling Gardner

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: Recently, my landlord served an eviction notice on me. It’s for failing to pay rent for the past year. I told him 6 months ago that I didn’t have the money. My question is, do you think he’s hard of hearing? He is old so … Oh and do I have to leave? If I do, do you think he could store my stuff until I find a place?

Stirling Gardner: Actually, I happen to be a landlord myself so I can answer this with no problems. He is not hard of hearing. He is currently entering your apartment when you aren’t home and rooting through your underwear drawer looking for your “period panties” – the ones you wear one weekend a month. I he then takes them and stores them in his oven where he bakes panty cakes and sells them on eBay. He can make way more $$ than you pay in rent so it’s in his best interest not to kick you out.
Just search eBay under “slacker tenant underwear pastry” – you’ll find it.

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