Friday, November 18, 2011

HANDI-CAPPABLE by Stirling Gardner

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: My mother needs a wheelchair to get around so she has a handicap sticker for the car. The other day she asked me if I would go to the mall to pick some things up for her. So I took the sticker & went to the mall. Some idiot lady yelled at me for using the handicap parking. I said, “You idiot, it’s for my handicap mother. She said well then where the hell is she? I said at home I’m getting something for her. She said your not suppose to use those unless your handicapped. I yelled, “Well she is”. She then threatens to call security if I didn’t get in my car and move. So I did and as soon as she was in the mall I backed my car into her’s. Sheezzee, what a dope… right?

Stirling Gardner: Is that your question? You spend all that time setting up this story to ask me if I think this lady is a dope? I think everyone’s a dope. You’re a dope, she’s a dope, everyone’s a dope dope. Old McDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o. and on his farm he had a chick that set up a really long situation to finally get to a question that is inane and stupid, e-i-e-i-o.  With a dope dope here and a dope dope there, here a dope, there a dope, everywhere a dope dope.  Speaking of dopes, I’d like to let you know that your mother is not crippled and actually doesn’t need a wheelchair. She’s just manipulative and lazy and wants to make you get shit for her. This has been true since you were born. Who’s the dope now???

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