Monday, November 21, 2011
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: My friend is in a wheelchair but she only has MS. Why doesn’t she get up, it’s not like she’s paralyzed. Should I hide her chair? I told my mother that I was thinking of this and she said I’m being insensitive. I think I might be doing her a favor. What do you think?
LOGAN LEE: While I applaud your advocacy for physical fitness and pushing your friend to her athletic peak, though in this case she’d be better off in the wheelchair. Your friend has been given the ultimate life accessory! Let me explain; accessories have been proven to give the wearer perks, for example a watch lets you tell time, a diaper lets you pee your pants, and a set of giant black plastic glasses allow you to infiltrate the hipster clan undetected!
The handicapable community has their own accessories, and a wheelchair is firmly atop that list! Crutches are cool if you’re in high school and sprained your ankle; they’re a great way to get attention. However, as an adult the novelty wears off and you realize that person’s ailment can probably be cured with ice. Prosthetics, while a miracle, are usually hidden requiring the wearer to point it out like a douche to get sympathy. Where as a wheelchair receives instant sympathy garnering unsolicited favors from strangers as well as free rides from people and gravity!
Video:If you have the ability to splurge on your wheeled mobility device I suggest you get a motorized wheelchair! Not only will you not have to worry about having appropriate upper body strength but as long as your battery has juice you can travel on any level surface you want! They even have chairs straight out of “Transformers” that will put you in a standing position if you are no longer able to rely on your muscles to do so…or just did a bunch of lunges!
Also, due to the nature of your friend’s disease if you were to get her standing and walking around, her brain might not be able to send the signal that she is supposed to continue standing thus leaving her to fall into a number of dangerous scenarios. There’s also a chance her balance is effected and at any minute the wall could become the floor!
Best to just leave all healthcare/handicapable style decisions between your friend and her doctor!