Monday, November 28, 2011


Marv Ellis

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I design websites for a living. I just finished the design of a web site with super cool fonts and graphics. I showed it to my client and he said he didn't like it. So I said what the hell do you know. Your just a small town hick. He got mad and asked for his money back. Was I supposed to call him a redneck? I don't know how things work in the back woods.

Marv Ellis: I don't know how things work in the back woods either, so I sent my Amish friend Billy Joe Jedidiah Jacob undercover to investigate. He reported back to me a couple days ago with this e-mail:
Billy Joe Jedidiah Jacob
OK, so I've taught him how to use a mouse and send an e-mail-- next step, the keyboard! So I drove over to his barn to see what he came up with. Here's what he had to say:"Well, I recon that fella perturbed that other fella by callin him a "Hick". Seems that mighta been acceptable practice back in the 60's or even early 70's before everyone got all "Touchy-Feely" about how they's bein addressed! When they's moved on to "Redneck", well, they's still feelin mighty slighted by the reference, so they all got together and settled on a term that they's can all live with. I waited with breathless anticipation-- no, seriously, I did-- I SWEAR!!! "Seems the term "Rose-Tinted Vertebrates" is what they recon they's wants to be called from now on! It's references a sweet smellin flower, and somewhat includes them in the human race.  WHAT!?!?!?!? I screamed! INCLUDE BACKWOODS HICKS IN THE HUMAN RACE!?!?!?! ARE YOU NUTS!?!?!?
Geez, what's next I thought?? Include comedians in the human race too!? What in God's name is this world coming to??????

No comments: