Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A NOSE BY ANY COLOR WOULDN'T PAINT AS SWEET Or something like that by Jordan Wieleba

Dear Stupid Ass Question: I saw on the news the other day an elephant that painted and they were selling his paintings for thousands of dollars. Do you think I could splash paint around and say my cat did it? I bet I could make a killing on ebay! Maybe paintings would go for more money if I stick a paint brush in my nose like those people with no arms. I could be the world’s first Rhino artist. I could call myself Pinocchio. Or is that already taken? It sounds vaguely familiar.

JORDAN: I’m going to let you in on a little secret… that elephant? It’s me.  All me.  I came up with the idea in 1994 and since then I have sold 142 paintings under the guise of a big, stinky, wrinkly elephant.  And don’t tell me you seen a video of this elephant in action.  Bear in mind that you can do a lot with CGI effects these days and I’m formally trained in the ancient art of B.S.  In fact, that’s where all my painting money goes.  To pay back the student loans I incurred at the National Institute of B.S.  So before you go all willy-nilly and decide to steal my thunder, remember this: an elephant never forgets.  The… advice he’s giving… to… people.  Put THAT on your canvas and smoke it. Ha!  But you can be a rhino if you want.  I don’t care.  Halloween is close.

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