Thursday, October 27, 2011
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: Michelle Obama just called me on the phone. She asked me for my credit card information. It seemed fishy, I mean it just didn’t sound like her and I said I didn’t believe it was her. That is until her husband, Barack got on the phone. He assured me it was her and, that I could give her my information with confidence. He said they were becoming a more hands on administration. Well, after he asked me how things were going he handed me over to Michelle to complete everything. The only thing is, she asked me to send a signed blank check so she could verify my identity to Pakistan. Are they on vacation AGAIN?
JORDAN: What are you, un-American? Of COURSE you should give the Obamas all of your credit card information. While you’re at it, give them your social security number, your bank account numbers, your cell phone contacts, your mother’s maiden name, where you went to elementary school, what your top score on Angry Birds is, what you thought of the ending of “Lost”, how many olives you can put on your fingertips and how many times you watched “Jersey Shore” and thought “Man, if those drunken idiots can get on TV, why can’t I!?” But that’s it. Don’t give them any more information or you might get bamboozled. To quote Mr. President-Pants: “Yes we can… take all yo’ money, sucka”!