Tuesday, October 25, 2011

BLIND AMBITION by Jordan Wieleba

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I love the shows where they do home makeovers. I bet you can earn sweet money doing that, but it seems like something anyone could do. Would it fly if I make a resume for myself and say I worked on “Extreme Make Over Home Edition” and start charging for my services? And do you think it matters if I’m colorblind? Well, actually I’m blind. But I could feel my way around the room and I am good at telling different colors apart if someone tells me what they are. My seeing-eye dog could help me move things around.  He does great doggie tricks too.
JORDAN: May I remind you of a little someone named Stevie Ray Charles?  That guy was completely blind and managed to fool the whole entire world into thinking he was actually two different people.  He even fooled Michael Jackson, the greatest trickster of them all.  So who is to say you can’t live your dream even though you can’t see it?  However, instead of using “Extreme Make Over Home Edition” you might be better off putting a show like “Hoarders” on your resume.  The more crap you can fill a room with, the less the person you’re designing for will be concerned about the little things like color or smell.  I have 20 five foot tall stacks of newspapers from the early 1980’s in my apartment – they go GREAT with my armoire.  I say go ahead and become an interior designer. As for your dog… get a cat.

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