FARMVILLE, by Gisele Noel

GiseleNoel

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I don’t have a job but I’m really moving up a lot of levels in Farmville. Could this be a sign that I should be a farmer? Maybe I should buy a cow and a few chickens and start selling milk and eggs. Do you know anyone who could lend me some money? Just until I make it big?

GISELE:

Dear Mel Gibson, 

I’m glad to hear you’ve been keeping busy with something other than rage.  But let’s face it, you’ve already had your time. Still, I might be able to connect you with a phone sex operator willing to donate to your cause on the down low. I’ll make some calls because I suspect even your ex-agency & ex-wife would support you in returning to the land . . . except they probably prefer you do it in a pine box.  Either way, someone is getting a write-off.