Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Free Ice Cream for Life by Andy Gold

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: A local ice cream parlor had a coupon for a free 3 scoop ice cream AND their big man’s hot chocolate and bananas sundae. So of course I went because I love ice cream. Later that night I threw up and had a bad stomachache. Should I tell them their ice cream made me sick? They might give me free ice cream for life.

ANDY: Yes, you should absolutely complain and get free ice cream because they were in the wrong!  Everybody knows that a big man should never make a hot chocolate! Hot chocolate is a delicate drink that should only be made by a woman. You see when a John Goodman like big brute makes you a hot chocolate he'll get saw dust or whiskers in it which will make you sick; also when combined with ice cream and bananas (2 other feminine foods) it only compounds and gets worse. I say they give you free ice cream for life or you sue them and take their wives, houses, kids, pets and cars, Then make you're own kids with their wives. These hooligans need to made examples of. You don't put big lumberjacks in charge of that kind of food.

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