Thursday, September 22, 2011

High Speed Internet by Tony Moschetto

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: My high speed Internet was down and I called the ISP. The weenie at the no help desk said "You can check the network status on our website!" I told him if I was able to do that I would not be on the phone with him! 
TONY: What did he say after you said that? Did he chuckle? Yeah, I  bet he did because it's a hilarious clever quip. The hint of sarcasm you're reading is real. Maybe...because my girlfriend is an IT person, or because my teammate on my men's hockey team is also an IT person or most important of all, my dear friend Timmy is an IT person/customer service rep for a very reputable local internet company. These “weenies” as you call them are under a great deal of stress. Believe me, I know first hand.

To make matters worse, Timmy is in the hospital at this moment. How do you feel now? The stress, well, it's not work related stress, it's actually his gallbladder. He needs it removed. But, I think if people were a little more nicer to him, as in not calling him a weenie, he'd be a little more eager about getting back to work. He'd be flying out of that bed and back to his cubicle in order to serve us and keep our high speed internet up and running. Get well soon, Timmy! Your operator style headset is hanging on the corner of you computer monitor where you left it!  Heal, heal fast so my friend here can update his Facebook status and blog about his ironic life. My internet is running a little slow but at least it's running and I can check out my network status.
Also, not to make you sound like a dick, but did you know that in some countries they don't have high speed internet? Cuba, yeah the country of Cuba, just recently installed high speed internet in their country. They're connected now from an undersea cable laid from Venezuela. Venezuela isn't aware of this yet, unfortunately, so don't say anything. Cuba knows it is too far away to steal their wireless signal so they stole Venezuela's actual cable instead. Do you see my point here? You have high speed internet. What, it  would kill you to go down to your local library and check the network status on one of their computers? Pretty easy if you ask me. I  mean, imagine what the average Cuban citizen goes through on a daily basis. If their high speed internet goes down they're screwed! Have you ever tried to get customer service in a Communist country? You know Castro won't allow them to call Venezuela, heck, Castro doesn't even have a facebook profile. I  personally  think that sometimes the customer should be a little more forgiving and a lot more pro-active. Think of Timmy for Christ's sake. If not, move to Cuba. 

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