Wednesday, June 26, 2013

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY by Joseph Conklin

Dear Stupid Ass Questions, I was going to go on a picnic today because the weather man said it was going to be sunny and 77. I bought lots of food and a beautiful new blanket. Also, I purchased a few toys for the kids to play with, BUT it’s raining. Is he a liar or just dumb? I think I've lost all faith... I mean if you can’t trust the weather man who can you trust.... the pope?

Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

Dear Stupid Ass Questioner, Allow me to start this off by saying that no matter how devout a Catholic you may be, you simply cannot rely on the Pope for accurate weather predictions, it’s just not his thing. As for the weatherman, he is actually a genius because he gets paid to GUESS and when he is wrong with his guesses he gets to blame things you never knew even knew existed in terms that you don’t understand AND he makes more money than the two of us combined doing so.  That’s pretty brilliant, no? And he is most certainly not a liar because that would imply he actually knew what he was talking about in the first place, which he does not. He is just the anthropomorphic televised version of the groundhog seeing or not seeing his shadow. Now, in your list of things you did to prepare for a day of picnicking why did it never occur to you to purchase an umbrella? And it’s only rain anyway! Why are you afraid of a little water, what are you the Wicked Witch of the West?? Go on your picnic, tell your kids it’s a rainforest adventure and stop blaming people on television for your lazy, hydrophobic parenting!

You’re Welcome!
Joseph Conklin  

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