Tuesday, June 25, 2013
A HOURSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR by Joseph Conklin
Dear Stupid Ass Questions, I just got a call from a window and home siding company wanting to put their sign in my yard in exchange for lower cost siding and new windows. I don’t own the house I was just here babysitting while the parents are on vacation. I really think their house could use a makeover so I said sure come on over. I think they'll thank me when they get home but my question is, should I have picked a different color of siding than purple, I’m not sure if it’ll go with the orange shutters.
Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge
Dear Stupid Ass Questioner, I wouldn’t worry about them being upset when they get home as they are clearly people with poor judgment in character and therefore any color of siding is ipso facto their fault, whether they like it or not. Perhaps if they had thought ahead and simply took their child on vacation with them like most decent parents would do, they wouldn’t come home to a purple house with orange shutters. This argument by the way will certainly hold up in any court of law because Judges tend to be the type of people who were left at home with an idiot babysitter while their parents were out gallivanting (which is why they enjoy judging people so much, it’s in their nature) and will most likely force the parents to keep the color of their house purple for a certain period of time in order to punish them for his own Daddy issues. However, just in case I’m wrong and the parents are actually CIA agents and the “vacation” was just a cover while they assassinated political figures in South America, I would just put a note on the kid that reads “I did this” and then seek political asylum in a country like Poland, who according to the jokes my Father told me growing up are going to be way more accepting of your choices in life.
Best of Luck!