Monday, September 17, 2012

BIRD OF PARADISE by Julie Kitayama

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: My neighbor has bird feeders that are very close to my car so every time the birds feed at their feeders they poop on my car. I have asked them to move their feeders away from my car but they won’t. Do you think it's ok for me to throw all my cat’s litter box crap onto my neighbor's car? It seems only fair.

Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

JULIE: I agree with the “an eye for an eye” approach sometimes, but what you are proposing is not that.  Your neighbor is not throwing bird poop on your car like you want to throw cat poop on his.  To be fair, you’d have to train your cat to poop on his car.  Your other option would be to poop on it yourself, but I don’t think any of us want that to happen. 

There is something that you have not considered about the situation.  Some people believe that getting pooped on by a bird is a sign of good fortune.  By extension, having birds poop on your car might be a sign of good things to come.  Think about it, if you have a frequent flyer card with the local car wash, you will earn that free car wash pretty quickly now.  There is also a lesser chance that the birds will poop on you because by the time you get out there, they’ve pooped themselves out all over your car. It’s all perspective.  

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