Wednesday, September 19, 2012

BACON & WHIP CREAM by Julie Kitayama

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I was sitting in traffic the other day... which is probably why I got run over.... I thought to myself in the ambulance, am I having an out of body experience?? It involved Whipped cream, bacon....and me wearing diapers. Is that normal??

Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

JULIE: There is nothing normal about the situation. You either smoke too much pot or you can’t tell the difference between literal and figurative expressions which might be the effect of smoking too much pot.  This affliction must be difficult to deal with. I hope no one has ever told you to go suck an egg, piss off or put your money where your mouth is.  Money is very dirty.  It’s unfortunate that the car didn’t hit you hard enough to put you out of your misery.  It would have been the right thing to do.  That aside, out of body experiences rarely include food since when you are out of your body you don’t need food. 

What probably happened is that you had the munchies after all the pot you smoked before you decided to go sit in traffic.  Since you were strapped to a gurney and couldn’t hit the 7Eleven like you usually do, you simply manifested a vision of your favorite foods.  Who doesn’t love whipped cream and bacon although not usually together.  As far as the diaper thing goes, that is probably a result of your wishing you hadn’t peed your pants when you saw the car coming at you.  

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