Friday, March 16, 2012
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: There is a car I really want but my husband is already working 3 jobs just to support our family. Should I open up a credit card and charge it. I can tell him my great aunt died and left it to me.
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Stephanie: Girl, Wake up! What a boring life you have! What, did I read right? You have wasted your best years on children and a hard working family man, am I correct?
Look at yourself. Hey, how many more years on the mortgage? You'll be menopausal by then, right? I bet You spend evenings worrying about what your teenage daughter is up to. Just admit it: you wish you could be again in the back of that Chevy with a bottle of Absolut, a box a Trojans and that guy you met at that party whatever. Those were the days! The wheel has turned. No, YOU let it turn!
Thankfully you have written to me! Why just fantasize? This is what you need to do:
-the car you mentioned. Good start. Now, double its price by going top of the range. I'm thinking sports model here. Corvette, red, small, sexy, noisy, racy... You want a car that if it were a body part, it would be huge Dolly Parton style breast implants!
-do not worry about that husband of yours. With 3 jobs, I bet the poor sod doesn't even notice when you have your hair done. Well then, if he can't see that, what are the odds of him spotting a new car locked away in the garage? Exactly!
-considering his plan in life was you, kids and hard work, what did you expect? So, the only way out of this hole, is to ThelmaandLouise it: hit the road, cheap sex in motels, Wine Coolers and weed, go crazy. Gamble, strip, drink stuff you can't pronounce, sleep with men from countries you have never heard of, shorten you T-shirts, pill it, inject it... Rave it babe!
-your husband suffers from a surplus of principles and a lack of imagination... Do not take that crap anymore. JUST BE YOU!