Thursday, March 15, 2012
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: My niece asked me if I would watch her 6 and 9 year old kids twice a week. When she dropped them off for the first time she said, “Just treat them like they are your own”. So I make them clean the house while I watch my soaps. My question is, do you think they could handle making me dinner too? I mean that’s what I made my kids do.
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Stephanie: Hey lady, things have changed! Nowdays kids can't cook anymore. So if you want burnt microwave macaroni and cheese twice a week, go ahead! Clean? Kids don't do housework these days. Have you heard of Minecraft, COD etc... That's what 6 year olds do nowadays.
Gosh, you sound like an old pimp, and I bet you look like one. Now, look, your problem is not that you are a mean, lazy, selfish old bag, no, it is that you are senile. It's got a name, 1st letter A... AL... No, not Albert... Alzheimer's ... So ask your niece to google Meals on Wheels for you. You're such a cheap cow, you can afford it. Hey, while they're at it, they could also deliver diapers for you. You'll never have to get up from your LazyBoy and you can spend the rest of your sorry life in front of the TV. Nothing to worry about: when you croak, you won't have time to mummify: your pathetic remains wil be found within a day by the Meal-0n-wheels guy... All part of the service!