Tuesday, March 13, 2012

RESTAURATEUR by Stephanie Inglesfield

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: Every time I make food it taste so good. Should I quit my job at McDonald’s and open a restaurant?

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Stephanie:  NO! I am French, so I know about food. So take my words as if they came from God Himself: the French, oui, oui, we are God's gift to gastronomy.
One observation, one piece of advise:
My poor fellow, working in that notorious burger joint was one big mistake. You work long shifts, and they give you free food for your meal breaks. And I bet, in your ignorance, you took it. So, here is the bad news: you have damaged your palate, probably for ever. Poor sod, you would not know good food if it were served to you on a silver tray by a man called Jean-Pierre with a big white hat on his head. Are you beyond hope? Probably. Only spending a few years in Paris and experiencing its gastronomy three times a day might change this sad state of things.
Which takes to me to my piece of advise. Take yourself out of this gastronomical desert you seem to have landed yourself in. Buy a beret, a plane ticket, a duffle bag, gather the few dollars that you have made in this chain of shame and come to the land where food IS.  Our toilets might be dirty, our hands not washed too often and we might prefer a splash of Chanel 5 to a shower, but, here, for the first time in your lamentable life, you will not just eat, but experience food.

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