Friday, December 30, 2011

BIRDS OF A FEATHER by Shari Linick

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I am an 80 year old woman who loves to feed birds in my local park. On a recent outing to feed my feathered friends I was surrounded by a swat team and arrested. When I asked why I was being arrested they said. "Because your feeding the birds bread". Was I feeding them the wrong kind of bread? Are birds into artisan bread? I'm old and on a budget and eat cat food myself so I can't go overboard.

Shari: Mazel tov on being an Octogenarian.  I hope the park is not on Sesame Street, It's rumored that a certain Big Bird is taking money from the other birds for "protection".  He dislikes the artisan bread and prefers filet mignon.  You think you're on a budget now? This problem can be easily solved about your budget and giving your other fine feathered friends their Artisan bread.  Make sure you are eating the catfood NEAR them in the park, while making the sounds "pssst psst psst.."here kitty kitty er birdie birdie".  I guarantee your problem will be solved.

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