Friday, May 9, 2014

GRIN AND BEAR IT by Kenny Colgin

Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Kenny,  All Winter long I have been eating non-stop. My boyfriend says I'm getting fat and to stop. But aren’t we all considered animals? And like all other animals isn’t it normal to put on a large layer of fat for Winter? You know, like bears.

Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

Kenny: I'm probably not the best person here on staff to answer your question but our crack team of Stupid Ass Questions Dietary experts have just waddled out to their luncheon engagement.  (I think I heard it's at the Golden Corral Buffet.  Depends on how quick they got the roof replaced after the last time they all ate there they ate the roof right off the joint! But I digress, anyway we are not all animals.  Lots of people act like that but alas some of us are actually born to be house plants.  Uh huh high maintenance orchids in fact.  Go where the petting starts and mean boy friends end baby!  Yeah,ditch the Wall Street/Fashion Industry/People who have swallowed their lie about beauty and go with what makes you happy.  Eat, drink, and be merry! I do it all Winter myself.  You oughta' see me right now, I'm a big, fat, succulent orchid just loving life. So my friend I would say to you,"Grin and bare it!" and call me when you hit the beach next.  I'll squirt lotion on your back and you can roll me on my beach tarp.  I invented that secrete tanning butter. Hey they'll think you're saving a sea lion or something. 

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