Monday, January 12, 2015

SELF STARTER by Kevin Bartini

Dear Stupid Ass Questions, I got an email the other day about earning thousands of dollars by working from home? It sounds so great & I’d love to get back to work again after having not worked for a year. All I have to do to get started is send them a one-time fee of a thousand dollars & they’ll send me information on how to do it. My question is, should I send a check, use my credit card, or send a money order? I can’t understand why more people don’t do this.

Dear Motivated Self Starter,
Welcome back to the work force.  We have missed you.  In this economy getting and keeping a job is supremely difficult.  Life in general is difficult.  It is full of trials and tribulations.  I don’t need to tell you that.  I shudder just thinking of all the hard luck stories you must have witnessed by watching Maury Povich every afternoon.   But you are obviously smarter then the average bear.  While all the dummies out there were killing themselves by constantly writing out resumes and going on interviews you took a nap.  Brilliant!  You waited for a job to come to you.   Some work harder, you my friend, work smarter.  Well, you do work smarter if you work at all.  

When it comes to not working at all, nothing beats working from home.  I work from home.  That is where I am right now.  In the time since I sat down to answer your letter I have paused to make a cup of tea, play with my cats,  surf the internet, playe with myself, take a nap and think about doing a load of laundry.  Oh the freedom that comes with working from home. 

Don’t let others judge you to harshly for working from home either.  They are just jealous.  Some of the most influential and powerful people throughout history have worked from home.  The President and the Pope work from home, don’t they?  I rest my case.

So tell me about this big money making, work from home opportunity.   Will you be entering the exciting world of envelope stuffing?  Will you get to answer countless surveys online?  Is it a bit risqué?   Is a webcam involved?  You know what?  Whatever it is it doesn’t matter.  I am sure that it will be satisfying and will make you rich.  Your question after all, was about  payment method to start.  When it comes to paying your $1000 to get started the only way to go is on a credit card.  Don’t send a check, that takes too long.  If you send a check it will take at least a week for the check to get there in the mail and then be cashed.  You need to start making money today.  So put it on the card.  Then as the $1000 debt sits in your account accruing 29% interest you can pretend that those are union dues.  
Thank you for you letter.  You are a hero.  

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