Tuesday, December 3, 2013

ELF ON A SHELF by Kenny Colgin

I think my husband is cheating on me. We have the Elf on a Shelf watching our kids to find out if they are naughty or nice to report back to Santa. Do you think if I put the elf in our bedroom he would report back to me on my husbands infidelity?

Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

SANTA: Oh my dear!!!!! This is not a pretty picture that Santa is seeing here at all. Ho, ho, ho, I mean,,,, no, no, no! Infidelity at Christmas? EGAD!! First off, let's make sure you're clear on a few facts. I AM SANTA CLAUS! I see you when you're sleeping, (or sleeping around for that matter), I know if you or anybody else has been bad or good, etc., etc. I don't need an elf on the shelf, (around the work shop we call him "Rat boy"), to help me do my job OK? (I secretly believe Mrs. Claus came up with the idea to spy on me!). But that is another story for another season. Now, back to you. I am pleased to tell you your beloved husband isn't being unfaithful with another woman. Nope. He is however a cheater. Why do you think you haven't beaten him in a game of gin rummy, backgammon, or jenga in over 10 years? What do you think he's been doing when you leave the room to go to the toilet or kitchen? Uh huh, you guessed it. Perhaps you should consider taking the card table or game board with you the next time you two are playing something and you have to leave the room. Either that or start cheating yourself. (Santa has a great book of card tricks that would help you immensely). So, buck up and enjoy the Yule Tide Season my friend and get that elf on the shelf out of there! Merry Christmas and my work is done here in the bathroom so I need to get the cards back to the table before Mrs. Claus returns with the cocoa! Ho, ho, ho.

1 comment:

Rose said...

Likely story - cards! You guys all stick together, I must say... in my famous Martin Short rhetoric. Check out the hall closet, you know the one; I see three strands of long red hair caught in the bracket.
I'm no dirty rat elf!