Wednesday, October 3, 2012
ITALIAN BREAD DIET by Joseph Conklin
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: My diet says I can have one slice of bread a day. I bought a loaf of un-sliced bread and cut it in half. Then I ate half cuz that's one slice. I keep gaining weight. Is it because I should be using whole wheat?
Dear Stupid Ass Questioner,
Nooooooo, that’s the last thing you want to do - whole wheat is one of the most fattening breads when eaten in half loaf slices! What you need is a loaf of French Bread. The good news about having to eat this Italian bread knockoff is that you won’t even have to cut it just in half, you can slice just a bit off the end and the entire loaf will simply surrender to your every demand!
Then all you have to do is order it to betray its own content and you can have as much bread as your gluten based gluttony desires without worrying about gaining anymore weight in this world (just ask the Germans)
By the way, just a personal opinion – any diet that tells you what to do isn’t the diet for you. You need a diet that accepts you for who you are and finds a measure of compromise to both your needs. Just sayin.
Your Friend and Mine,