Thursday, April 26, 2012
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I was going to call a friend of mine and just as I picked up the phone a bag of chips fell off my counter on their own. I took this as a sign from Jesus that I needed to eat them. So, I ate the whole bag. I never got around to calling my friend and now she’s mad at me for not calling. Should I tell her Jesus called me instead and that I was tied up eating his holy chips? Maybe I should say they were holy wafers… she’s catholic so maybe she’ll believe that.
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Dear Chip Eating Jesus Lover,
I didn’t even know people called each other anymore!! What happened to texting? Are you and your friend trying to keep it retro? WOW! With that being said, you’re friend sounds like a real needy jerk. She’s mad because you forgot to call her back? So what! Tell her to get over it and to find a hobby that doesn’t consist of her sitting by the phone, waiting for you to call. It’s people like your “friend” that make me dislike the Catholic Church.
P.S. I don’t think Jesus would have knocked over a bag of chips because he wanted you to eat them. I hear Jesus is very much into healthy eating now due to the obesity issues facing our country. If an apple fell off your counter I would MAYBE think it was Jesus but since it was chips, I think it was probably just Patrick Swayze practicing to move things with his mind from the “other side.”