Friday, February 17, 2012


Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I was wondering, if people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

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MARV: That's actually a good question, as it stumped even me! So I contacted my friend Dick Johnson at the Museum of World History that no one gives a rat's a$$ about. It's in Peroria. Look it up. Dick caught me up to speed on the "Dutch Riots of 1684". You see, he explained (as I turned my tape recorder on and fell asleep on the john) that at one time there WAS an attempt to call people from Holland "Holes". The problem was the old Dutch story of the little Dutch boy that stuck his thumb in a hole and saved his town. So when foreigners yelled out "HOLES!", the men of Holland went NUTS and began plugging any worrisome hole they could find! Now remember, this was in the days before bi-focals, and many men with poor eyesight began plugging some holes they shoulda stayed away from! Though some close, personal relationships were formed, the overall widespread violence led to a world wide referendum vowing to NEVER call them "Holes" again!

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