MARV ELLIS
Dear StupidAssQuestions: I just went for my yearly pap smear and was in such a rush to get back to work that I left wearing the paper gown. Do you think if I put a belt around it anyone will notice?
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MARV: No one ever notices when I wear mine, but I am a resident at my local mental health facility. Have been for a while now. It's nice in here. I have lots of friends-- even a few that other people can see too. We have applesauce hour every day at 3 pm, followed with arts and crafts. That's mostly just finger painting seeing as we're not allowed anything sharp to paint with. I like paint, it tastes good! Wish they still had the lead based kind-- it had a sweet after-taste to it. Guess I can mix it with my applesauce!! I'm always thinking! We play lots of games in here like "What kind of shoes would I be wearing if I were allowed to wear shoes?" and "What did your daddy's biker gang do to you?" and "Tic-tac,toe with paint" cuz we're not allowed anything sharp to write with. We're not allowed anything sharp at all really, just those sporks you get at KFC. The prongs aren't long enough to cause any serious injuries they tell us.
So gosh! You get to wear a belt!?!?!? Oh how I envy you!
2 comments:
HAAAAAAA!
Soooooo funny "marv", love lobstah
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