Dear Stupid Ass Questions& Thomas, I want to be a movie star, and I know I would be an Oscar contender. I just need to know how to behave in public so that I get a lot of attention, extra gigs, stalking journalists, and bad publicity. I was thinking that I would do a nude spread in Big and Beautiful… but then I chickened out. Then I thought, maybe I should just get arrested for being drunk and racist, like Mel Gibson. Or maybe I should start a Cat fighting ring (because Mike Vic wrote the book on dog fighting)... Or maybe just masturbate in public with Pee Wee Herman and Fred Willard (it would be called a spank off). Or being drunk and high like most Lindsay something or other… actually every celebrity at some point has a careening off a cliff kind of moment. So I need to make a big splash…because it is the in thing to do, everyone that is anyone makes the news for some sort of bad behaviour. So what should I do???
Thomas: David Carradine, this is the person you should model your downfall rising. His last act upon this world was life-changing and finally got him noticed in a big way. His career was hanging on by a thread before he actually was hanging on by a thread before he became dead. But think of how famous you would be! Okay, don't actually kill yourself, or do the Carradine. I am just saying there are better ways to become infamously famous, sleep with Kim Kardashian. Try not to scream the whole time either, she likes to be knocked up while being knocked up. In other words, if you did happen to do the Carradine, you could swing around the room hitting her while filming this and you'll be forever known as the Swinging Karradine.
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