Wednesday, May 8, 2013
PIT BULLIED by Marv Ellis
Dear Stupid Ass Questions, Our mailman is trying to get money from my neighbors by walking up on their unsuspecting pit bull. He's just a dog and is doing what dogs do, protect. Should I report her to the SPCA for scaring the dog into biting her?
MARV: This is a troubling question-- one that, due to liability issues I cannot answer. So I called my good friend and local Postmaster Dick Johnson concerning the situation. Here's what he had to say-- as I turned on the recorder and fell asleep on the john--
My first concern is that the pit bull in question is "Unsuspecting". Usually pit bulls suspect everything-- then attack it! The dog should be taken to the vet, or Michael Vick IMMEDIATELY to be retrained in the fine arts of pitbulling.
As for my sister in the field-- she's just probably nearing retirement and needs the extra cash. The postal service hasn't been doing too well lately and pension funds have suffered. Not sure if we even have one anymore. So please, do NOT report her for this incident! In fact, do NOT report any postal worker to anybody for anything EVER!!! We know where you live---