Wednesday, November 7, 2012

FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY by Steph Inglesfield

Dear Stupid Ass Question: Recently I read that parents are outraged at the Tide company for making laundering easier. Apparently they have combined fabric softener and laundry soap in one easy to use packet. Parents are calling for the company to mark the container as well as the packets with the following..... FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY, DO NOT EAT. I guess children were consuming these colorful packets while mom and dad were on the computer watching Porn. Does this mean I have to stop watching porn?

Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

STEPHANIE: Porn is always the answer. Like Bouncy Billy says in the classic Three Men in a Goat, "Let me demonstrate": what you watch is between you and your computer, and since that mouse cannot talk, all the better. You make it click, it returns you the favour. Your problem is not laundry detergent, not your kids' diet. It is that you have already too many children, too many filthy clothes and not enough cookies on your internet history. Your hard drive should be... Just that, a hard drive, baby! So, keep watching adult channels all by yourself: it is healthy, the only truly safe sex option, the only truly natural contraceptive. No more brats is what you are about! And one last observation, you porn pig: anything that warns "FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY, DO NOT EAT" is obviously not for you.

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