Friday, November 2, 2012


Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I refuse to be a party to children going down an evil pathway to hell by celebrating Halloween. So this year I am trying to decide between giving out Bibles or Broccoli. Which do you think they would enjoy more?

Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

KEVIN: Dear Wet Blanket,
Thanks so much for your question. I agree with you completely. Halloween is an evil pathway to hell. Halloween is the combination of the three great evils in this world. The devil, the candy industry and the people who make cheap plastic masks. Oh that President Obama could turn the sites of a few drones at those people and their evil evil ways.
As to your question as to what would make a better gift fr the children a bible or some broccoli I believe that the answer is simple. The bible would be much better For one thing a child could take a piece of broccoli and dip it into some melted chocolate or caramel. This is something that they couldn’t do with a bible.
The bible is a great gift for any occasion. It is full of morality tales, it is full of the word of god and it is free with every hotel rental. I am sure to take my free bible from every hotel I stay at. After a week on the road I have secured enough bibles to have a gift for everyone in my sewing circle.
Let’s face it kids can be real pricks. If you give them something for Halloween that they are not happy with they will egg your house. Broccoli is a definite path to an egging. A bible on the other hand? I have never met a child who wasn’t thrilled to receive another copy of the good book.
So enjoy the holiday and remember that once Halloween ends the Christmas season begins. Two full months where we as a society do nothing but praise the baby Jesus. Does it get any better?

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